Self-Love

Self-loving comes first before we can love others...  this was what I learnt previously , but it seems that there can be a borderline to narcisssism.. This is the first time that am commented to be a narsis.. dang... kinda hard to take but I took the comment did some meditating for self-realisation.

I do have issues to work on.. maybe that is  why I am a Shophaholic? I love giving myself lotsa presents, and treats coz it makes me happy and bring me away from the gates of Depression. I also love to gift but sadly subconciously maybe I was trying to buy love from everyone around me with gifts. Anyhow doesn't matter much anymore

Guess its time now... its almost 3 years since back in home-town.  Though I did not grow financially but I grew a lot on a personal level . Learned a lot from having limited financial resource.   To accept what I have  and to appreciate it.

My last biggest purchase was my Iphone which was last September 2009 and am still using it. And am taking care of it very well as if my life depended on it. My other big purchase was a Viva car. But I did choose the most economical suitable to my capability to pay-up my monthly installments and maintenance of the car.  I did go crazy for awhile buying and buying clothes... mmm now the clothes are a headache to me as my wardrobe is overfowing .and the clothes are all over my bed..  Not too bad.. still trying to reduce my spending . 

But the most important is that I don't have the luxury of throwing my money around and interestingly with it went majority of my so called good friends. They  started to dissappear one by one when I truthfully told them that I can't join them for their activities as I cannot afford it and I don't have a car anymore.  I thought I was so popular , hahaha they just wanted me to be their driver once I don't have the transport they never did call me anymore. Even my calls and sms es to them was not answered ... how fine is that?

The best part from this experience  is that I found my true friends who don't mind to sit with me at the kedai kopi. and me ordering sky-juice jah and them ordering their drinks.. whatever I don't care anymore what they think of me. But these group of friends still call me , still want my company in their get - together sessions..  The feeling of knowing this has filled my heart with gladness and happiness.  I did have the bad-phase of missing the so thought good friends. I have come to accept the good and let go of the bad.


And less financial resource means that  I need to be a better person to have a better social life and networks. This has improve my character a whole lot.  And it actually teach me about humbleness. It showed a different perspective of life.. previously I tried so hard to impress those around me and pleased people a lot. 

Nowadays I just be myself ,  whatever .... and the funny part is I have more friends , and I feel more fulfilled in life and as a person without trying damn hard to impress people.

Am such a melodramatic person.. well narcississ  ... its okay I  accept it and will try to be better  :-)