I only can think of my problems, my troubles and get stressed out daily. This is really not healthy for me. I need to solve this. Where is the stress factor coming from? Ahhh I just can let out my emotions in this blog... blogging away my stress but it does not give me the moments of Joy that I crave so muchh .. Missing it .. wanna have a hahaha time... Maybe there is a Joy Happiness Vampire sucker around me? mmmmm... A point to ponder on... Seriously need to look into this and find out who that is.
O how I miss the times when my days were so much more simpler. My stress reliever was shopping , outing with friends, drinking and make merry; joking around, playful conversations..... urm thats my moments of Joy and I miss it sooo damn much. I want my friendsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss..... lots of them . also my greatest siblings around me joking around, poking fun at each other , laughing at the stupid jokes and teasing each other. I miss them so much. Just hanging around talking about nothing, laughing about everything. Playing with my niece ahhhh! my gorgeous beautiful and soo intelligent niece.. ow also my naughty nephews... Pure bliss... :-) mmm Am I feeling lonely at the moment then? Ow great stuff this blogging.. thinking and sifting and analysing through my feelings while blogging away on my stressed-out mind....
My perfect setting would be like; sitting around a table with friends at great place , relaxing environment, great music, with lots of happy laughing people around, all with smilling happy faces and laughter sounds. Isn't that bliss..... and that is soooo simple moment of Joy ... Missing my moments of Joy. Ahhh ? whats the next best thing? mmmm drink Joy Kickapoo Juice? mmmm Maybe I need to call-up the sisters for a Gin Rummy Session I enjoyed that last game soo much hehehe .. come to think of that one bit moment of Joy...Playing ginrummy with my sisters such a lifting moment of Joy .. ahh better call my sis Joy , whether she is up to that anytime sooonest...I want to be my wacky coocooo self .... snorting my nose, picking my nose and farting my asss ow soo comfortably huahuahua. Oh My! I didn't realise thats part of my lovable joyful naturel self. mmmmm come come my ditzy self .. I need to call my kodudvo..
All this talk about getting serious in a relationship and being exclusive is damn stressing me out.. I can seee the doors of Joy closing in and the light of Joy becoming slits by now.... arghh and the comment ... need to work near me? No No No!!!!! Not Again ! Not another relationship that imprison me, taking away my freedom to live my carefree life. I need my freedom to go around with my friends, spend time with my lovely wonderful siblings and niece and nephews... Missing that ooo sooo sooo much. The pain of separation from them is causing me to go down in to this well of depression... mmmm Deep Serious Committed Relationship starting to give me stressful moments and making me depress? I have so many facets of me that needs to explore and livein order for me to experience Joy and Happiness.. My family . parents, siblings, anak buah semuanya.... my own thing... I really need to find the balance in my life now. This is change that is coming too fast and am spiralling down into depression...why is that? why is that? I do like this guy .. but I want to live my life fully too... traumatic past relationships? mmmmm I dunno .. Maybe I see a serious committed relationship as a Prison ? .. wonder wonder wonder....
But this is how I see myself in... "Happy Carefree Life..." No burdensome relationship that cramp my style and my brain. OOppps.. ding dong! Truth of the matter is out and its that I don't relish being in one relationship only, I also would like to have and cultivate my relationships with my family and friends and my surrounding too, in order for me to be my Best Happiest Self.. How do you do that?
