Wishing for More Money to come my way

Pay day coming soon.... just sitting around in the office trying my very best to look busy so nobody will assigned me any task to do... hehehehe Just waiting for the pay to come.. counting my days .

SweetLife....

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

 Ashley Smith quotes

Long time ago , everyday I will pray to God to give me a Thankful Heart , a Patient Heart , a Humble Heart to get me thru the day, to survive the day ..  and I was feeling depressed most of the time because I just barely survive the days that I had had gone through previously...

I had an ephiphany  sometime back and Now  Everyday I Pray and I Thank God with all my being for always giving me Abundant Blessings everyday of my life since I can remember, I thank the Lord for giving me bountiful experiences in life.   I thank God for the Thankful Heart ,  the Humble Heart that he gave to me.. ... 

And I have never been happier  ... My life is soo sweeet now... La Dolce Vita!!!! and I'd be kicking myself and knocking my head ... during my pensive moments for never realising The Blessings that I have been given all along and never being Grateful and appreciative of....  

Yay... just submitted another case and waiting for my commision to be banked-in...  ;)  and  that will be used , to do some shopping for  formal work clothes that make me look like a professional working lady coz my boss offered me a juicy position and hoping to get  a pay rise.   

I never stopped Praying  to thank God for all the Sweetness in Life that God has bless me with .... Weieeeeee!! Life is Sweet!   What a wonderful Life..  and I have some serious shopping to do.mmmmm


May God Bless you my blog reader...


Cheers ,
Belle

Our search in Life..

What do people really want ? What do we keep on searching in Life? Why do we keep searching?


I guess people are searching to fill that void they feel in their life... what can fill up the void? The gaping bottomless pit of emptiness...The black hole..

Searching and searching.. we go far from our homes to work at a distant land to search ... we work night and day in the office to try and  fill up that void... hoping when we work the void will be filled up... and by then we have everything that we need , but no..

The Void just gets bigger and bigger and bigger and deeper and deeper and deeper, . and it eats our soul out , draining it... squeezing out the happiness, the life even the memories that once was contain in the spirit self, the soul...

Now aimless, numb limbs moving, walking , going to work and back and work and back, misery sets in depressions sets in, empty dead sockets for eyes never seeing the beauty all around, going to work at dawn, getting home at dawn.. darkness.. always darkness, heart in darkness, mind in darkness .. still searching trying to fill the empty void , but its getting stronger; the darkness the feeling of emptiness, no smiles, no beauty, no happiness, no sunny days..

Tried so hard to fight it but just too weak ,  pulled into the strong current of the empty void of blackness.. darkness,   being angry all the time, feeling of dark thoughts , wondering what life is all about , struggling to overcome the harsh realities of life... still searching .. and searching not knowing what one is searching for.....  when there is no work sleeep endless sleep is welcome ,,,, the bed and the dreamless sleep , still no rest is found .... the heart the soul the spirit is drying up.... nothing else to give, work becomes meaningless, daily life become meaningless as the search  is futile... What are each one of us searching for... ?

When the darkness is in us, enveloped by darkness, negativeness... anger, frustrations, regrets.. unfulfilled ambitions, searching and still searching in the darkness .... Looking at Happy People around .. wondering what is the big damn problem that they are having .. Why are these people always happy ... ?


.. getting the job done day in and day out.. feeling numbness ...  feeling the inevitible boredom , no light in sight no end to the bottomless pit.. that big gaping void.... now devoid of any life.. only daily routine, working day and nite, living the zombie life.. house in a mess, personal appearance in a mess, no colour in life just emptiness blackness.... The Empty Void...\\

How to find the moments of JOY?

I am stressed out and I don't understand why. I have to find the moments of Joy. Where have it all gone to? I am always so stressed out nowadays. I can't remember the moments of Joy that I have experienced lately.

I only can think of my problems, my troubles and get stressed out daily. This is really not healthy for me. I need to solve this. Where is the stress factor coming from? Ahhh I just can let out my emotions in this blog... blogging away my stress but it does not give me the moments of Joy that I crave so muchh .. Missing it .. wanna have a hahaha time...  Maybe there is a Joy Happiness Vampire sucker around me? mmmmm... A point to ponder on... Seriously need to look into this and find out who that is.

O how  I miss the times when my days were so much more simpler.  My stress reliever was shopping , outing with friends, drinking and make merry; joking around, playful conversations..... urm thats my moments of Joy and I miss it sooo damn much. I want my friendsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss..... lots of them . also my greatest siblings around me joking around, poking fun at each other , laughing at the stupid jokes and teasing each other.   I miss them so much. Just hanging around talking about nothing, laughing about everything. Playing with my niece ahhhh! my gorgeous beautiful and soo intelligent niece.. ow also my naughty nephews... Pure bliss... :-)  mmm Am I feeling lonely at the moment then? Ow great stuff this blogging.. thinking and sifting and analysing through my feelings while blogging away on my stressed-out mind....

My perfect setting would be like; sitting around a table with friends at  great place , relaxing environment, great music, with lots of happy laughing people around, all with smilling happy faces and laughter sounds. Isn't that bliss..... and that is soooo simple moment of Joy ... Missing my moments of Joy. Ahhh ? whats the next best thing? mmmm drink Joy Kickapoo Juice? mmmm Maybe I need to call-up the sisters for a Gin Rummy Session I enjoyed that last game soo much hehehe .. come to think of that one bit moment of Joy...Playing ginrummy with my sisters such a lifting moment of Joy .. ahh better call my sis Joy , whether she is up to that anytime sooonest...I want to be my wacky coocooo self .... snorting my nose, picking my nose and farting my asss ow soo comfortably huahuahua. Oh My!  I didn't realise thats part of my lovable joyful naturel self. mmmmm come come my ditzy self .. I need to call my kodudvo..

All this talk about getting serious in a relationship and being exclusive is damn stressing me out.. I can seee the doors of Joy closing in and the light of Joy becoming slits by now.... arghh and the comment ... need to work near me? No No No!!!!! Not Again ! Not another relationship that imprison me, taking away my freedom to live my carefree life.  I need my freedom to go around with my friends, spend time with my lovely wonderful siblings and niece and nephews... Missing that ooo sooo sooo much. The pain of separation from them is causing me to go down in to this well of  depression...  mmmm Deep Serious Committed Relationship starting to give me stressful moments and making me depress?  I have so many facets of me that needs to explore and livein order for me to experience Joy and Happiness.. My family . parents, siblings, anak buah semuanya.... my own thing... I really need to find the balance in my life now. This is change that is coming too fast and am spiralling down into depression...why is that? why is that? I do like this guy .. but I want to live my life fully too... traumatic past relationships? mmmmm I dunno .. Maybe I see a serious committed relationship as a Prison ?  .. wonder wonder wonder....
But this is how I see myself in... "Happy Carefree Life..." No burdensome relationship that cramp my style and my brain. OOppps.. ding dong! Truth of the matter is out and its that I don't relish being in one relationship only,  I also would like to have and cultivate my relationships with my family and friends and my surrounding too, in order for me to be my Best Happiest Self.. How do you do that? 

Me just being My Mommy's Good Gurl..

Mom : Why  were  you soooo stupid , you never think of being with a rich guy when you were young and still very pretty.. Only now  telling me nonsense wanting to land a rich old man.

Me : Mom, You brought me up to believe in hard work,  to be always sincere in anything that I do and  also to believe in Love.

Mom : Then why you didn't become a Nun?!

Me : kwang kwang kwang.......  cozzzz when I was younger I had time on my side to search for my True Love  and Wealth , But looking at my situation now, I need a revamp on my plan and strategy, Now the clock is ticking way fast!!! So gotta Hook that Big fish Fast!!! kekekekekekeke