Shophaholic on A Shoe-String Budget

Expenses again...

2011-10-12T12:06:00.001+08:00

Life is filled with expenses ... and there is no other way. To lead life we must pay our expenses. And to have more extra money after paying off one's expenses is the dream of every individual...... Financial Freedom.. everybody talks about it but nowhere near it.. Even the tycoons have millions in debt.... and when finally the debts catch up you are forced into bankcrupty...

Problem is when there is more extra money, the expenses increases exponentially ... where does the race end? You search for better jobs, better offers, then you have to have better things in life, nicer car, nicer house, nicer clothes , nicer entertainment ... still left with more wants... and you move on to search for a better job. Finally finding better pay, then you need to work harder to progess in that company, to get higher pay, increments and bonuses, and the wheels go round and round, the faster your run , the faster you need to run, Just like a rat in the running wheel. Around and round it goes never ending.

Probably will never end, there has to be a better way than this. Materialistic world, and no knowledge on personal financial management. Learning the hard way. How do we do it? Some say save as much as you can and stop spending. But how to balance that out? Life will be sooo miserable. The wants in life are tooo much to cope. Especially for a shophaholic ..

Eh? What's that feeeling?

2011-09-15T11:42:00.000+08:00

mmmmmm I feel suffocated .. I want to run free......
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If you find yourself in Hell, better keep moving and fast!

2011-09-15T11:19:00.000+08:00

I haven't written anything for soo long... been sad and listless.. been imagining days gone past..on shopping sprees.. blowing few thousands in a day.. just for the fun of it.. on shopping and not seeing anything suitable but hey buying on the whim ...Ahhhh those were the days ....shopping... pampering ...facials.. masssages.. manicure .. pedicure ..and travelling to foreing lands ... mmmmm .. was I really happy those times?
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Life is Not so sweet today.Shoe-string budget...

2011-06-20T11:57:00.001+08:00

Shoe-string budget...Shoe-string budget...Shoe-string budget...Shoe-string budget...Shoe-string budget...

Its killing me .. Where is the light at the end of the tunnel?susahnya mo hidup camni ...

I need a better job, I need to work smarter and get more income ... :-(

Really am suffering with this shoe-string budget ...

Wishing for More Money to come my way

2011-05-21T09:46:00.000+08:00

Pay day coming soon.... just sitting around in the office trying my very best to look busy so nobody will assigned me any task to do... hehehehe Just waiting for the pay to come.. counting my days .

SweetLife....

2011-04-20T13:32:00.000+08:00

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

Ashley Smith quotes

Long time ago , everyday I will pray to God to give me a Thankful Heart , a Patient Heart , a Humble Heart to get me thru the day, to survive the day .. and I was feeling depressed most of the time because I just barely survive the days that I had had gone through previously...

I had an ephiphany sometime back and Now Everyday I Pray and I Thank God with all my being for always giving me Abundant Blessings everyday of my life since I can remember, I thank the Lord for giving me bountiful experiences in life. I thank God for the Thankful Heart , the Humble Heart that he gave to me.. ...

And I have never been happier ... My life is soo sweeet now... La Dolce Vita!!!! and I'd be kicking myself and knocking my head ... during my pensive moments for never realising The Blessings that I have been given all along and never being Grateful and appreciative of....

Yay... just submitted another case and waiting for my commision to be banked-in... ;) and that will be used , to do some shopping for formal work clothes that make me look like a professional working lady coz my boss offered me a juicy position and hoping to get a pay rise.

I never stopped Praying to thank God for all the Sweetness in Life that God has bless me with .... Weieeeeee!! Life is Sweet! What a wonderful Life.. and I have some serious shopping to do.mmmmm

May God Bless you my blog reader...

Cheers ,
Belle

Our search in Life..

2011-03-26T13:11:00.000+08:00

What do people really want ? What do we keep on searching in Life? Why do we keep searching?

I guess people are searching to fill that void they feel in their life... what can fill up the void? The gaping bottomless pit of emptiness...The black hole..

Searching and searching.. we go far from our homes to work at a distant land to search ... we work night and day in the office to try and fill up that void... hoping when we work the void will be filled up... and by then we have everything that we need , but no..

The Void just gets bigger and bigger and bigger and deeper and deeper and deeper, . and it eats our soul out , draining it... squeezing out the happiness, the life even the memories that once was contain in the spirit self, the soul...

Now aimless, numb limbs moving, walking , going to work and back and work and back, misery sets in depressions sets in, empty dead sockets for eyes never seeing the beauty all around, going to work at dawn, getting home at dawn.. darkness.. always darkness, heart in darkness, mind in darkness .. still searching trying to fill the empty void , but its getting stronger; the darkness the feeling of emptiness, no smiles, no beauty, no happiness, no sunny days..

Tried so hard to fight it but just too weak , pulled into the strong current of the empty void of blackness.. darkness, being angry all the time, feeling of dark thoughts , wondering what life is all about , struggling to overcome the harsh realities of life... still searching .. and searching not knowing what one is searching for..... when there is no work sleeep endless sleep is welcome ,,,, the bed and the dreamless sleep , still no rest is found .... the heart the soul the spirit is drying up.... nothing else to give, work becomes meaningless, daily life become meaningless as the search is futile... What are each one of us searching for... ?

When the darkness is in us, enveloped by darkness, negativeness... anger, frustrations, regrets.. unfulfilled ambitions, searching and still searching in the darkness .... Looking at Happy People around .. wondering what is the big damn problem that they are having .. Why are these people always happy ... ?

.. getting the job done day in and day out.. feeling numbness ... feeling the inevitible boredom , no light in sight no end to the bottomless pit.. that big gaping void.... now devoid of any life.. only daily routine, working day and nite, living the zombie life.. house in a mess, personal appearance in a mess, no colour in life just emptiness blackness.... The Empty Void...\\

How to find the moments of JOY?

2011-02-21T13:22:00.000+08:00

I am stressed out and I don't understand why. I have to find the moments of Joy. Where have it all gone to? I am always so stressed out nowadays. I can't remember the moments of Joy that I have experienced lately.

I only can think of my problems, my troubles and get stressed out daily. This is really not healthy for me. I need to solve this. Where is the stress factor coming from? Ahhh I just can let out my emotions in this blog... blogging away my stress but it does not give me the moments of Joy that I crave so muchh .. Missing it .. wanna have a hahaha time... Maybe there is a Joy Happiness Vampire sucker around me? mmmmm... A point to ponder on... Seriously need to look into this and find out who that is.

O how I miss the times when my days were so much more simpler. My stress reliever was shopping , outing with friends, drinking and make merry; joking around, playful conversations..... urm thats my moments of Joy and I miss it sooo damn much. I want my friendsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss..... lots of them . also my greatest siblings around me joking around, poking fun at each other , laughing at the stupid jokes and teasing each other. I miss them so much. Just hanging around talking about nothing, laughing about everything. Playing with my niece ahhhh! my gorgeous beautiful and soo intelligent niece.. ow also my naughty nephews... Pure bliss... :-) mmm Am I feeling lonely at the moment then? Ow great stuff this blogging.. thinking and sifting and analysing through my feelings while blogging away on my stressed-out mind....

My perfect setting would be like; sitting around a table with friends at great place , relaxing environment, great music, with lots of happy laughing people around, all with smilling happy faces and laughter sounds. Isn't that bliss..... and that is soooo simple moment of Joy ... Missing my moments of Joy. Ahhh ? whats the next best thing? mmmm drink Joy Kickapoo Juice? mmmm Maybe I need to call-up the sisters for a Gin Rummy Session I enjoyed that last game soo much hehehe .. come to think of that one bit moment of Joy...Playing ginrummy with my sisters such a lifting moment of Joy .. ahh better call my sis Joy , whether she is up to that anytime sooonest...I want to be my wacky coocooo self .... snorting my nose, picking my nose and farting my asss ow soo comfortably huahuahua. Oh My! I didn't realise thats part of my lovable joyful naturel self. mmmmm come come my ditzy self .. I need to call my kodudvo..

All this talk about getting serious in a relationship and being exclusive is damn stressing me out.. I can seee the doors of Joy closing in and the light of Joy becoming slits by now.... arghh and the comment ... need to work near me? No No No!!!!! Not Again ! Not another relationship that imprison me, taking away my freedom to live my carefree life. I need my freedom to go around with my friends, spend time with my lovely wonderful siblings and niece and nephews... Missing that ooo sooo sooo much. The pain of separation from them is causing me to go down in to this well of depression... mmmm Deep Serious Committed Relationship starting to give me stressful moments and making me depress? I have so many facets of me that needs to explore and livein order for me to experience Joy and Happiness.. My family . parents, siblings, anak buah semuanya.... my own thing... I really need to find the balance in my life now. This is change that is coming too fast and am spiralling down into depression...why is that? why is that? I do like this guy .. but I want to live my life fully too... traumatic past relationships? mmmmm I dunno .. Maybe I see a serious committed relationship as a Prison ? .. wonder wonder wonder....
But this is how I see myself in... "Happy Carefree Life..." No burdensome relationship that cramp my style and my brain. OOppps.. ding dong! Truth of the matter is out and its that I don't relish being in one relationship only, I also would like to have and cultivate my relationships with my family and friends and my surrounding too, in order for me to be my Best Happiest Self.. How do you do that?

Me just being My Mommy's Good Gurl..

2011-02-07T17:39:00.000+08:00

Mom : Why were you soooo stupid , you never think of being with a rich guy when you were young and still very pretty.. Only now telling me nonsense wanting to land a rich old man.

Me : Mom, You brought me up to believe in hard work, to be always sincere in anything that I do and also to believe in Love.

Mom : Then why you didn't become a Nun?!

Me : kwang kwang kwang....... cozzzz when I was younger I had time on my side to search for my True Love and Wealth , But looking at my situation now, I need a revamp on my plan and strategy, Now the clock is ticking way fast!!! So gotta Hook that Big fish Fast!!! kekekekekekeke

Floating Sky Lantern .. Just like in the Rapunzel cartoon..

2011-01-25T16:23:00.000+08:00

Wahhhh I can't wait to let the skylantern fly! Been dreaming of setting the skylanterns float to the sky!!!.

Ahh My sis the broker for so many special things fireworks and flying skylanterns ... and I ordered 12 of the lanterns and my Love ordered 20 !! Wahhh what a match we are! hahahahaha so shopaholics...

Sincerity Begets Sincerity

2011-01-20T12:31:00.000+08:00

Okay .. Okay ... I know trying to pretend to be in love with someone in the hopes of sharing their nice bottomless Money Bag is definitely a No No No.... If Only I can get Ms Hermione's bottomloss bag as my Purse which is filled with money .. mmmmm then makes me wonder when a you are rich like a Zillionnaire , do you still need to be nice to people? Muahahahahahaha

Ow Really Belle Knock Knock .. am just an ordinary person with an extraordinary dream....and My office printer is printing blanks.. aiayks!!

When we are not sincere in what we do then people will start to be insincere with us..so I just be my ordinary peace loving sincere person then... mmm I do try my best to be... *Evil Grin..

On My Dream of Snagging My Infinite Money Bag...

2011-01-18T18:33:00.000+08:00

Mmmm I do love to shop.. I can't stop myself from shopping .. I just have to shop..and I need my self maintenance thingy to do too or else I will look like Gorilla and am already starting to look like Gorrila, My hair!!! My Hair!!! Its growing like nobodies business just like the busshy Gorilla hair... manage to squezze a Mani and Pedi .. just the other day after days of saving ... arghhhh.. now have to squeeze to get my hair gorgeous again... problemo O I remembered also able to squeeze a Body Massage and also a Facial after a very very tight hard discipline of saving every little cent that I get .. OMG!! Where is that Mr Money Bags anyway!!! How ever am I ever gonna get a Mr MOney Bag with my Gorilla Looks slowly emerging ... owww... I better just wrap my head with a scarf and mmmm do my own facial? uwaaaaa

mm but looking at my dire financial state... I need to think out of the box ... instead of checking my own accounts ... I need to start check ing someone else's account .. and there lies the big big problem... Its just not working out!!! dannnng...

Well whatever ... in Jesus we put our Trust...

My ethnicity type?

2011-01-13T16:30:00.000+08:00

Nice this old Aunty ... Had lunch with her and she said that I don't look anything like kadazan but like rojak of Portugese, Indian, Spanish, And Chinese .. Hahahaha well maybe I can believe her opinion is sincere a lil wee bit Coz she said she had travelled the world over already ...and she urge me to check on my ancestry lineage lagi bah...... Amacam lar too ? My Mum swear that we are All pure Blooded Kadazans. but IMHO ...just maybe along the ancestry line someone got naughty naughty ?Hahahaha

Cheers!

My Sweet Love Dear Lovingly Best Friend Forever..

2011-01-13T16:18:00.000+08:00

O My Love.... he is soo confused with me and my temperament ... I am guessing he is scared of me now! Like really scared.. hahahahahaha am so naughty , he just can't make head or tail of me , which am guessing is good since he treats me O so well. and am enjoying some of the benefits of the treatment, feeling bit of princessy or somethings Like the Evil Queen... LOL ... mmmm but I do want to be Happily in Lovingly Romantic relationship.. Is that possible by the way?

Just that when we get more comfortable and I don't act up , he gets comfortable and starts ignoring me , never calling me , never smsing me . O and expect me to be the one calling him alll the time.. I mean alllllll the hours of the day.. OMIGOSH!!! Well , mmm when I do act up he become o sooo attentive and romantic and I do get to get the goodness from that situation..hehehehehe .... KaChing!!!! Uuiks nahh well what to do Men do need to provide for their partner .... However , Whoever, Whatever , Whenever, Whichever, Whyever.. It shall always be them to provide ...

Yea in truth I want a new Hunny that have more Moolah.. Infact, that can make me love them Oh sooo much .. and I can be the most loving Girl Friend Ever... OOOPs and there I go again "Them"!! mmmm
Wishing upon the star ... I need to get the wish right... Dang!!.

I need a Very Generous, Warmth Hearted, Hard Working, Loving, Faithful Man with lotsa Money...

On The year 2011

2011-01-10T10:18:00.000+08:00

Mmmm .. started the year quietly... made my resolutions already ... but now am feeling the presure of my New year's resolution... I just need to do some shopping, and outing ... I feel that ave been so long without my shopping and outings .. mmm 10 days into the year ... and I have another 355 to go ..

On Mental and Emotional Health- My take.

2010-09-24T13:21:00.018+08:00

I never heard of mental and emotional health before this and I never knew the importance of this two things in our lives. also never took care of it . To enjoy life to the fullest I seriously need to improve on these in my life.

As defined in the WikiPedia, "Mental health is a term used to describe either a level of cognitive or emotional well-being or an absence of a mental disorder. From perspectives of the discipline of positive psychology or holism mental health may include an individual's ability to enjoy life and procure a balance between life activities and efforts to achieve psychological resilience. Mental health is an expression of our emotions and signifies a successful adaptation to a range of demands."

The World Health Organization defines mental health as "a being of well-being in which the individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community"

^{I guess with all my shopping.. I was trying to fill the Gap of being healthy mentally and emotionally ...LOL arghh that's so shameful to admit.... and also I think I have a long long way of being at my Healthiest Peak on Mental and Emotional Health.. I have my work cut out for me .. since we can trained to be physcially fit... I am guessing I can also train myself to be mentally and emotionally healthy and fit. .. Mmmm that is my dream to be Mentally and Emotionally Fit.. Tough-tough , Resilient ... Tahan Tukul... hehehehehe I need to more Strength in Resilience .. the ability to Bounce Back when get hit by problems .. How? ... heres the How.. What did you say? But it does make sense to me...}

Building your resilience

Resilience involves maintaining flexibility and balance in your life as you deal with stressful circumstances and traumatic events. This happens in several ways, including:

Letting yourself experience strong emotions, and also realizing when you may need to avoid experiencing them at times in order to continue functioning
Stepping forward and taking action to deal with your problems and meet the demands of daily living, and also stepping back to rest and re-energize yourself
Spending time with loved ones to gain support and encouragement, and also nurturing yourself
Relying on others, and also relying on yourself

Source: American Psychological Association

As mentioned by in this website http://www.helpguide.org/mental/mental_emotional_health.htm

"People who are emotionally healthy are in control of their emotions and their behavior. They are able to handle life’s inevitable challenges, build strong relationships, and lead productive, fulfilling lives. When bad things happen, they’re able to bounce back and move on."

...Yeah I want that!!!! I WANT.. I WANT.. I WANT..

and my sounding board when am stressed is a very close person to me and I am so glad that she is always there to listen to me.. but I think I have overused her kindness and compassionate heart .. Oooppps well hope she forgives me .. Me and my Dramatical Soap Opera Life .. hahahahaha anyways ... I need to nurture myself coz Its a beautiful World and its to be lived fully .. I strive to be Cheerful everyday ..

Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.
- Marianne Williamson

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” ~ Dr. Seuss

“I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.” ~ Arthur Rubinstein

"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see." ~ Henry David Thoreau

His Ego~ness..

2010-09-09T00:37:00.000+08:00

OMG Can you believe it?

I finally had the courage to tell the guy that I be moving on and I be letting him go.. outta my mind..and I have some new guy who is seriously into me ... and I want to be dating that new guy. Told him honestly that I have waited in vain for him all this time and I want to see people who really are into me, and not the half-baked discussions on his plans to be with me... and his Response!! OO but we already know each other..... (and that's good enough for him.. ) Why?... why need to talk often and see each other at all... need to go dating? Need to fall-in-love??? ??before marriage?. (In My thoughts ....Duh!!!!!! OMG!!! Excuse me! Hellow!!! Me NOT a Baby machine okay! that you say okay yah we get married and create offsprings coz am good enough GENE stock for him.. Yikes!!) and my mind went like .. mmm Yeah right! ..after u get the kids and then you gonna kick me out on my cute lil butt...

Guess what his reaction was....When I carefully informed him that due to the weird way that it was arranged and that expectations were high from external parties.. I gently mentioned and hinted that we were not right for each other and will not get along.. ztztztztz .... He laughed out loud and asked me whether am I joking?!!! He said that we are only waitng for the right time to get hitch and that am too impatient ? OO OO OOOO the gall of that guy!! and he is saying that am rejecting him and that am being unreasonable? Helllow?!! Excuse me... WE never even got started in the first place. Okay that was two weeks ago. After my phone call, he called me back and met up with me on the same day and went for lunch with me .. okay fine.. nice lunch ...I pretty much kept quiet most of the time, didn't open the funny weird topic on the phone... wow he did put his moves on me.... Like!! Wow.. as if am his Darling-ness already .. soo attentive, so gentlemanly, so polite.. then Bang ahh he had to be some place else .. he have other things to do, previously planned for the day. Mmmmmm, okay Bye Handsome! See you around!...

And no calls no text messages.. then Boom he called me , telling me that I promised to go out with him for a date that nite!.. Errrrrrrrr excuse mua.. mmm Politely and gently turn him down ..but he said " Is that the way to treat your husband?" hehehehe damn needed to control my voice from screaming and sounding squeeky and irrational likea Mad Woman.. . anddddd he kept pushing me to go out with him .. saying am a person who doesn't keep to her promises .. shaikes!!! so I told him the next nite wud be fine with me...coz anyway I was pretty excited but I was oustation so had to decline.. and......mmmmm

Well to cut the story short... he came .. we went to a hang-out place, where am not a regular .. and well whatdaya know!!!!! I kept on stressing how we are soo wrong for each other and he was like saying we are soooo good together ...and I kept repeating that we can be good friends , but not a good couple and he kept insisting that we can get along very very well indeed and able to communicate welll tooo.. and that he is really putting a lot of his effort into this thing and that am doing NIL but but but there is a catch ... mmmm He said I have an attitude that needs to be corrected and then only will he be able to accept me . Aarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. I wanna knock my head to the wall ... knock knock knock and shoot myself ...bang bang bang !!!! But like always, I kept my cool composure showing all sweet smiles and humouring him and jokingly making other sweet conversations... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr internally I was burning with the urgh!!!

At the end of the nite outing ... I said my goodbyes by telling him to take care and keep in touch as friends at least, as we are not meant to be together ... And his respond was.... " We can be together only if YOU change....and put away your Ego" ... I gag ..... Errrkkkkk .. (Exasperating isn't it... arghhhh ... )

Well Que Sera Sera.. He can go fly kite ... lalalalalalala

and I just blew my top and resolved on budgeting et ce ra and went shopping for my self pampering routine..... emmmmmm sweeet sweeet sweet shopping .. (~__~) The best revenge is to Look our most Gorgeous Attractive Self...

I think that I will have to work smarter and harder on getting moolah to pay off the damage done to my credit card ... mmm definitely

Faith....

2010-08-20T09:34:00.000+08:00

"Would you dare make the leap of faith and up-root from where you are currently and leave behind everything that you currently have in that place?

Eventhough its seems the scariest thing to do in the world... To find something more meaningful in life , I made the decision to change the path in my life .. Money Wise I have so much more less than I am used to , I have less, considering now I am nearly almost living on handouts .. hehehehehe, But what I have gain is tremendously much much more than what I had to let go.

I have attain a blissful life... (~__~) I am filled and surrounded with love and warmth that has been kinda missing in my life for all those years... The feeling of being safe, loved and having the security net around me ... I made the decision back few years ago. The catalyst was the Alpha Course which changed my perspective on life. To attain what fulfills me in life on a daily basis.. That is, To let go, Let go of all my worldy concerns and worries and put my Trust In The Lord , Jesus. simple , right?

Yea Yea, some people might say we should not be complacent , we should not be coddled in life as that would make us lazy people..But why does it have to be a harsh, hard, unloving, and cold life? Why choose Living a life of misery to Living a Life of Bliss and Joy and Happiness? We still can continue going after what we dream of in life .. coz we can never stop dreaming and we will never stop living... It is soo much more better making the journey with an Appreciative, Grateful, Happy and Positive Attitude . Though life is not sunshine and happiness daily but when we are filled to the brim with Blissfulness, it is so much easier to take on Life's challenges head on. Of course there those times that are black days and depressive days but with Family and Good Friends surrounding me, ahhhh great to be able to wash off the black moods .. with laughter and happy moments.. plus the occassional Happy drink ... In as much, I am still in need of lotsa; faith, confidence, and endurance too. Nobody is perfect. Everyone just like you and me is doing to the best of their abillities in daily life. So Get a Great Appreciative Attitude and don't be a hard-arse to others.

O and I did a whole lot of shopping and spending ... and treats to myself and treats to whomever who accepted my invitations, with a God send gift package .. ehehehehe I am being Grateful everyday and Thanking God for all the nice bit of surprises that's like an avalanche coming into my life.

Cheers!

"Let your mind and heart urge you on; allow the power of your will to lead you to your destination." ~Anon

The Unforgettable Date..

2010-08-02T16:01:00.001+08:00

Unforgetatable Date.... am sure you are thinking that I be writing about my best date ever but .. hahaha its just the opposite.. It was so bad that I keep on thinking about it till today.. On why ever in hell did I let myself myself into that Worst Date Ever of my life..

Well the usual scenario would be like this cartoon...! I would be having the pleasure of being impressed by the guy , and would be testing how high the guy would jump rope for me ! hehehehe..

I have been wine and dine and wine and dine many times and easily forgetabble dates. Just that this unforgetabble date is with someone I kinda have "Great Expectations On ..." well maybe coz of the Great Expectation" it was the worst furthest from the expectations..

Summarised version..
For one, I had to wait for one hour for the guy to arrive, was actually asked to wait at several different locations, and no apologise for lateness, never asking me how I am , rude to the waitress, immediately went on a dialogue about himself. and all about him. What a bummer... (~__~)

It would have not mattered where it was or the lateness of the arrival , would have been forgivable if only ... , just prefereably , the guy would be more of a Great Guy? .. I really am not expecting much ...Just a normal, average, Guy Guy! ..

Feeling like I can take on the world with Pezzaz!

2010-07-28T11:01:00.000+08:00

Yesterday is gone... Thank fully .. I was sick and i don't like feeling sick, I feel soo helpless and hopeless.. but I did try to enjoy the sick off day. It was fine so fine and restfull
:-)
Most importantly, got my Energy back today!! And I feel more wonderful than ever.. sot hahahaha

Today, feeling so so much better and Happier and Brighter and Shinnier .. (~__~) Can you see me shimmering? hehehe Urm but still feeling the dizziness if I move or turn my head too fast though.. maybe I should start bit slower today . Not too much play or else my newly renergize mind, body and soul might crash again ..

The thing that makes me most happiest today is that I have line-up and prioritize on all the stuff am gonna get .. LOL ... Shophaholic Trait kicking in .... (~__~) But hey I really need these things .. Ya know..

Survive Rough Times

2010-04-20T14:58:00.001+08:00

By Jane Powell - www.MeditationsForWomen.com

"When the going gets rough, you need self-worth."

When you're looking good on the outside, with a new outfit or haircut, your day goes more smoothly and you handle setbacks more easily. This feels good and helps us handle the daily grind. But, tackling challenges is much easier and more dramatic when you feel good about yourself on the inside!

A strong self-worth builds personal resilience, which helps you face challenges and bounce back from adversity. You grow stronger from the inside out, and feel the confidence to persevere and move forward with enthusiasm.

So when things go wrong, don't reach for your credit card. Instead, reach inside for that priceless deposit of self-worth!

*Am not reaching for my Credit Card anymore But am reaching inside for that priceless deposit of self-worth... Just sometimes its hard to find ..It is very very hard to find . those are the times that I feel my worst and most depressed. But everyday I choose to be always cheerful. And people around think I don't have any problems in my life. Its okay , that is the way it should be. Am taking care of myself my life and building my self-worth everyday..

Building Self-Worth

In his book, Healing The Shame That Binds You, John Bradshaw says: "Total self-love and acceptance is the only foundation for happiness and the love of others. Without total self-love and acceptance, we are doomed to the enervating task of creating false selves."

Self-acceptance, self-love, a positive self-image, the freedom to be ourselves; all these are crucial aspects of self-esteem. Whether seen from the ultimate perspective of spirituality, which exhorts us to be our true self, or from the more modest psychological imperative to develop a positive self-image, the struggle towards self-esteem is everyone's journey.

"Healthy self-esteem correlates with rationality, realism, intuitiveness, creativity, independence, flexibility, ability to manage change, willingness to admit (and correct) mistakes, benevolence and cooperation.

Poor self-esteem correlates with irrationality, blindness to reality, rigidity, fear of the new and unfamiliar, inappropriate conformity or inappropriate rebelliousness, defensiveness, an overly compliant or controlling behavior, and fear or hostility towards others."

• Living consciously: This is an active mind rather than a passive one, being in the moment, with a concern to know external and internal reality. "To live consciously means to be aware of everything that bears on our actions, purposes, values and goals to the best of our ability and to behave in accordance with that which we see and know."

• Self-acceptance: This means accepting all feelings, thoughts and acts and being compassionate towards oneself. "Self-acceptance entails our willingness to experience—that is, to make real to ourselves without denial or evasion—that we think what we think, feel what we feel, desire what we desire, have done what we have done, and are what we are."

• Self-responsibility: This includes being responsible for the achievement of desires, for the level of consciousness; our behavior with other people; for prioritizing time and for personal happiness. "In taking responsibility for our own existence we implicitly recognize that other human beings are not our servants and do not exist merely for satisfying our needs."

• Self-assertiveness: It is your right to exist as you are. It is the acceptance that your life does not belong to others and that you are not here to live up to someone else's expectations.

• Purposeful living: "To live purposefully is to use our power for the attainment of goals we have selected; the goal of studying, of raising a family, of earning a living," says Branden.

• Personal integrity: "When our behavior is congruent with our professed values, when ideals and practice match, we have integrity."

Copycat Belle

Issues!! I need a Paradigm Shift.

2010-04-16T14:16:00.001+08:00

I have issues!

In 1962, Thomas Kuhn wrote The Structure of Scientific Revolution, and fathered, defined and popularized the concept of "paradigm shift" (p.10). Kuhn argues that scientific advancement is not evolutionary, but rather is a "series of peaceful interludes punctuated by intellectually violent revolutions", and in those revolutions "one conceptual world view is replaced by another".

Think of a Paradigm Shift as a change from one way of thinking to another. It's a revolution, a transformation, a sort of metamorphosis. It just does not happen, but rather it is driven by agents of change.

HUH!

And..

Moving from one thought system to another!

Where
Evolution is Normal
Change is Constant
Leaders share Vision
Earth is a School House
Science and Spirituality Convene
Children Play
Diversity is Respected
There is No Better Here Than Now
and
Love is All There Is.

I need to change my thingking to shopping for stuff that appreciates in value over time rather than stuff that depreciates over time.. :-)

The Link http://www.taketheleap.com/

Self-Love

2010-04-10T19:01:00.000+08:00

Self-loving comes first before we can love others... this was what I learnt previously , but it seems that there can be a borderline to narcisssism.. This is the first time that am commented to be a narsis.. dang... kinda hard to take but I took the comment did some meditating for self-realisation.

I do have issues to work on.. maybe that is why I am a Shophaholic? I love giving myself lotsa presents, and treats coz it makes me happy and bring me away from the gates of Depression. I also love to gift but sadly subconciously maybe I was trying to buy love from everyone around me with gifts. Anyhow doesn't matter much anymore

Guess its time now... its almost 3 years since back in home-town. Though I did not grow financially but I grew a lot on a personal level . Learned a lot from having limited financial resource. To accept what I have and to appreciate it.

My last biggest purchase was my Iphone which was last September 2009 and am still using it. And am taking care of it very well as if my life depended on it. My other big purchase was a Viva car. But I did choose the most economical suitable to my capability to pay-up my monthly installments and maintenance of the car. I did go crazy for awhile buying and buying clothes... mmm now the clothes are a headache to me as my wardrobe is overfowing .and the clothes are all over my bed.. Not too bad.. still trying to reduce my spending .

But the most important is that I don't have the luxury of throwing my money around and interestingly with it went majority of my so called good friends. They started to dissappear one by one when I truthfully told them that I can't join them for their activities as I cannot afford it and I don't have a car anymore. I thought I was so popular , hahaha they just wanted me to be their driver once I don't have the transport they never did call me anymore. Even my calls and sms es to them was not answered ... how fine is that?

The best part from this experience is that I found my true friends who don't mind to sit with me at the kedai kopi. and me ordering sky-juice jah and them ordering their drinks.. whatever I don't care anymore what they think of me. But these group of friends still call me , still want my company in their get - together sessions.. The feeling of knowing this has filled my heart with gladness and happiness. I did have the bad-phase of missing the so thought good friends. I have come to accept the good and let go of the bad.

And less financial resource means that I need to be a better person to have a better social life and networks. This has improve my character a whole lot. And it actually teach me about humbleness. It showed a different perspective of life.. previously I tried so hard to impress those around me and pleased people a lot.

Nowadays I just be myself , whatever .... and the funny part is I have more friends , and I feel more fulfilled in life and as a person without trying damn hard to impress people.

Am such a melodramatic person.. well narcississ ... its okay I accept it and will try to be better :-)

The Poetry - I love Myself The Way I am

2010-04-10T18:28:00.000+08:00

I Love Myself The Way I Am, There’s Nothing I Need To Change.

I’ll Always Be The Perfect Me, There’s Nothing To Rearrange.

I’m Beautiful And Capable, Of Being The Best Me I Can.

And I Love Myself, Just The Way I Am.

I Love You The Way You Are, There’s Nothing You Need To Do.

When I Feel The Love Inside, It’s Easy To Love You.

Behind Your Fears, Your Rage And Tears, I See Your Shining Star.

And I Love You, Just The Way Your Are.

I Love The World The Way It Is, Cause I Can Clearly See.

That All The Things I Judge Are Done, By People Just Like Me.

So ‘Til The Birth Of Peace On Earth, That Only Love Can Bring.

I’ll Help It Grow, By Loving Everything.

I Love Myself The Way I Am, And I Still Want To Grow.

But Change Outside Can Only Come, When Deep Inside I Know.

I’m Beautiful And Capable, Of Being The Best Me I Can.

And I Love Myself, Just The Way I Am

This is the poetry that caused so much issue.. but I love this Poem. :-)

How to create new unlimited Income ?

2010-04-10T17:30:00.000+08:00

Wow long time didn't write anything in here.. guess that reaaly seem that I am pretty pretty busy.. Making the money river.. but urmmm kinda susah worrr... not that easy..

welll nothing comes easy so need to work harder.. and scrimp more...aiyahhh rather diffcult on that.. manage to be able to go out and watch live band most of the nites but locally only... still its great to be able to hear live band playing rather than hear some screechy voice belting out their fav songs... urghhh.. anywhere looking for new income stream ..

will write about that after its kinda organised in my mind hehhee.. oh yahs.. went to lasik lasek my eyes.. and the wonderful convenience it gives mee... ;-) the world is so much more wonderful... the greens are soo green and beautiful.. the sky so blue and urgh .. my bathroom so yucky ... LOL.. have to get on that scrubbin on the bathroom tiles...

Narcissism

2010-04-10T14:56:00.008+08:00

I have been called worst..... me Narcisstic? .. Twas so rude ! Was damn angry when commented that.. but since calming dwn and thinking it thoroughly maybe the person who commented has a point so I search and googled and found the definition of Narcissism on wiki. and I read some more on this topic and found a site which has a test .. Yupzy my findings from the questionnaire , I do have a moderate trait of Narcisstic, Histrionic and Dependent personality.. but its moderate . ... It has all got to do with Childhood trauma from what I have read. Here goes ...

Narcissism From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The term narcissism refers to the personality trait of egotism, which includes the set of character traits concerned with self-image ego.

The terms narcissism, narcissistic, and narcissist are often used as pejoratives, denoting vanity, conceit, egotism or simple selfishness. Applied to a social group, it is sometimes used to denote elitism or an indifference to the plight of others.

The name "narcissism" is derived from Greek mythology. Narcissus was a handsome Greek youth who rejected the desperate advances of the nymph Echo. As punishment, he was doomed to fall in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. Unable to consummate his love, Narcissus pined away and changed into the flower that bears his name, the narcissus.

Freud believed that some narcissism is an essential part of all of us from birth. Andrew P. Morrison claims that, in adults, a reasonable amount of healthy narcissism allows the individual's perception of his needs to be balanced in relation to others. But.. Healthy narcissism Healthy narcissism is formed through a structural truthfulness of the self, achievement of self and object constancy, synchronization between the self and the superego and a balance between libidinal and aggressive drives (the ability to receive gratification from others and the drive for impulse expression).

Healthy narcissism forms a constant, realistic self-interest and mature goals and principles and an ability to form deep object relations. A feature related to healthy narcissism is the feeling of greatness. This is used to avoid feelings of inadequacy or insignificance.

check this site..

http://tearsandhealing.com/narcissistic-personality-disorder5.htm

http://www.squidoo.com/how-to-deal-with-narcissistic-people

Maybe I am a bit of a narcisstic but I want to be a better person. I guess the best medicine would be the Humble Pie...

F4 - Ni Yao De Ai (English Translation) lyrics

2010-04-09T08:25:00.002+08:00

The Love That You Want

Although I often dream of you

I still have no idea
It's raining outside
Which day is it today
But I don't know
Where you went

*Although I have never
doubted you
I still feel uneasy
Who is your one and only
Forgive me for doubting myself

~I understand the love I want
Will spoil me
Like a little child
Who only knows how to be
bad in your arms

The love you want
Is not just reliance
Must be like a man
Even in bad weather
Leads a carefree life

Repeat *~,~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPRJJDavbkg&feature=PlayList&p=3CB4D034C47FE10A&playnext_from=PL&index=0&playnext=1

A carefree life

2010-04-09T08:06:00.001+08:00

To enjoy a carefree life, renounce the consciousness of I and mine. The more we surrender our ego, the lighter and easier our life becomes. The consciousness of I and mine either makes us arrogant or weak. It creates a lot of conflicts in relationships and finishes the beauty of life.

When we consider everything we have as God's property then our responsibilities become His responsibilities. He fills us with extra specialities and powers to carry out His task no matter however daunting it may seem. When we surrender our will to Him everything happens for the best.

Shot tru and tru.. shot countless times..

2010-04-08T21:45:00.005+08:00

heart heart heart , why art thou aching?

Where is the love that I seek that I want? can I just buy it? LOLz..

hehehe where have the years gone to? welll since am here now.. gota make the best of things ..

I have love.. I have my sibling's love , my parents' love, my friends' love... I am well loved by the people that I surround myself with ...

I once surrounded myself with material things.. found them empty of the Joy that I craved, they can't hug me back can't kiss me back can't pat me on my back when I do well.. They just stare at me blankly.

Now that I surround myself with livng things hehehe people that I love and love me .. I feel some peace and calm .and I am able to love myself tremendously because of this love that supports me,. but ...

I am grateful and appreciative of this fact. Everybody needs all the love that they can get.. But the Love that is missed... the kind of love that everyone seek.. that someone to love..

Am going Bonkers.. Boink Boink Boinkk.. arghhh And I vent vent vent..

2010-04-08T21:16:00.004+08:00

Quotes and more quotes...

“Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping... waiting... and though unwanted... unbidden... it will stir... open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us... guides us... passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion maybe we'd know some kind of peace... but we would be hollow... Empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we'd be truly dead.”

“Love is when you shed a tear and still want him, it's when he ignores you and you still love him, it's when he loves another girl but you still smile and say I'm happy for you, when all you really do is cry.”

“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”

“Actually, this seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis - a good hot cup of coffee.”

“Strive for perfection in everything you do. Take the best that exists and make it better. When it does not exist, design it.”

TRUE Meaning of Love

2010-04-08T17:17:00.006+08:00

Sya cut and Paste coz I totally agree with this. Post your comments if any ..
my comments are @Belle

http://hubpages.com/hub/

TRUE-Meaning-of-Love

My View There are so many questions on here that pertain to love. How do you get it? How do you keep it? How do you know if it is real? I will be the first to admit that I am not the brightest penny in the jar, but this, I do know. I know about love, because I had failed so miserably at it a lot of times! It took a lot of looking at what I had done wrong to figure it out. How Do You Get Love?

Well this is the easy part. Love is everywhere! Attraction is everywhere! I am not one of those people who believe that there is only one person for everyone. What would the odds be of finding love if there were only one? The odds of finding your "Soul Mate" were there only one, would be about, let's say...NONE! You would have better odds playing the lottery or slot machines. But, luckily, love comes in every shape and size and it is all around. So, the odds are now in your favor. However,love can be a tricky 'lil devil because it seems that if you are actively seeking it, it will not find you. It is when you are least expectingit that it hits you like a freight train. So, getting it is the easiest part. How Do You Keep It?
@Belle I think this is the hardest part on love.. how do we keep it?

First of all, you cannot "keep" love.
Love stays by choice. It is something that needs to be nurtured in order for it to grow, it also needs to grow in order to sustain life. Without nurturing, it dies, and without allowing it to grow, it is then,stifled and stunted. @Belle This part is easier said than done..need to have a whole lotta patience, and trust.

The way to keep love, is to learn to let it go. I know this sounds like a lesson in stupid metaphors, but this is true. You cannot bind or tie love to you at all times. Love needs to be able to go out with its friends, to go on a trip alone, to do the things it did before you came along. Just as you need those very same things.
@Belle I am learning this part.. hardest to do.. Trust Trust and Trust...I guess when we get to know our partner we will learn to respect them and trusting is easier when there is Respect... coz you know them well enough and respect them enough to know that they can be trusted to carry on their activities without us being there breathing behind their ear.. and our monitoring .. TRUST ...RESPECT ...

So many times, a good potential relationship is snuffed out because someone has to try to control it. How many have lost love because they were too suspicious of what was happening behind their back and wouldn't "allow" love out of their sight? How many have lost it over jealously? The very thing that you fear will happen if you just "let go" happens, because you wouldn't allow it to grow and turn to trust.
@Belle Arghhh I remember my days passsed , twas awful,,,, I am no longer this way Again build TRUST in a relationshhip..

If you are the person, which most people are, that try to tame it, clip its wings, control it, reshape, change, manipulate, stifle, suffocate it or have major trust issues, you will first need to work on yourself... you need to love you, before another can.
@Belle Exactly!! I was trying to clip their wings I did all these major mistakes in my past relationships..

So now you know the a b c's, the x y z's are easier.
@Belle I have never passed the a, b, c' s .. mmm hoping and hoping .. I can score on my x, y z's...

How Do You Know if it is Real? This question is a lot like being asked if you have ever experienced an orgasm. If you have to ask the question, chances are you haven't. Real love is not what most people expect. It is a full time job with overtime. People think they need to be feeling the feelings they were in the very beginning. When the fireworks have stopped and the "Feeling Good" Train has stopped at the depot, that is when the work begins, but that is also when most people get on another train, because they don't understand that now is where your relationship really begins:
@Belle I feel the overtime work, and the helpless feeling on how to make it work ... its damn difficult .. again this one I have the question mark ... Let it be natural?

True love is the total acceptance of another. Yes, even though they have habits, rituals, and pet peeves that don't mirror your own habits, rituals and pet peeves.
@Belle I find this easy with my current Hunny .. :P

True love is supportive of another no matter their hopes and dreams, it is encouraging them to pursue their aspirations and helping them learn to fly on their own.A complete sharing of selves,and telling the truth even when it hurts.
@Belle I have not experience this part yet with my current ...

You will know true love when you watch time crease that other persons face, and silver their hair. When you have helped them in sickness and in health just as they have for you. Youth may be gone, and bones may creak, but to look at them makes you fall in love with them all over again.
@Belle lagi this part .. am having grey and white hairs now but the other half is not here beside me yet .. Dang! .... I so wish to experience this part ..

See. No magic potion or spell, no crystal balls or rabbits foot. True love is there for anyone to have if one wants to work on it.
@Belle huhuhuhu ... Working in Making it Real... as real as can be..
my checklist
1. GETTING TO KNOW, --> done
2. BUILDING RESPECT, --> somewhat
3. CULTIVATING TRUST,--> in the process
4. AND HAVING PATIENCESS LOTSA PATIENCES...

I dunno bout this part , haven't been stretched to the limit yet..
Sometimes I feel that I am going through a grinder being with my Hunny .. :(
some days I feel that I want to give up and let it all go , to forget is easier for me, to be alone and single is much much damn easier..

But when the loneliness creeps in o me unaware I be going into Depression.. wishing i never go near that gate of Hell..
Being in depression is the worst kinda Hell .. Believe you me...
Just Making it Real... and am telling you as it is.

I dun have the luxury of buying peoples' heart I used to do that .. but it doesn't last and I realised my mistake, nobody can be force into being your robot for life .. I realised that is my biggest mistake in the past.. easy to buy fakeness ,

Making it Real with nurturing, caring and consideration is sooo sooo much more complex and complicated ....

How so say the expert?
Be with the one who understands you.. be with the one who wants to be with you,. be with the one who wants to work out things with you.

Not somebody who will ditch the Train at the nearest station to get on another Train..... so hard its sad..
my heart is aching ... Bleeding Love ..

My ambition in life was always to be the Perfect Housewife.... what irony

but.. nothing came close, not the boy, not the guy, not the man ... where is my Man? who wants to be with me even though with my quirky character attitude... temper and all.. Where is the Love? Love..

And my Mother is always asking me when am I gonna settle down ...
And I will tell my Mother " Don't worry Mother, I will find something useful to do with my life" . :-)

Love Hurts.. Resah ati ku..

2010-04-06T22:10:00.007+08:00

My heart is aching... I am trying to reach you but you are ignoring me again...

I am sorry that I cannot express what my heart is whispering .... again I know that you laid out all your vulnerabilities to me... and I didn't know how to handle that ..

Feelings that I thought I will never be able to feel again .. feelings for someone that touches my heart everytime we talk .. feelings of not ever feeling alone anymore.. how can I expressed these feelings to you?

You said that I don't have feelings for you that I don't care for you because that I never show how much I miss you every waking moment since I have known you.. the lyrics of the song that we listen together, speaks what my heart feels.

One ..

When, I saw you for the first time I knew you were the one.
You didn't say a word to me.

But love, was in the air.
Then you held my hand Pulled me into your world
From then on my life Has changed for me
Now I'll never feel lonely again
Coz you are in my life...

Love...
How can I explain to you
The way I feel inside when I think of you..
I thank you for everything that you showed me.
Don't you ever forget that I love you.

Love,
I know that someday real soon You'll be right next to me.
Holding me so tight.
So I will always be yours.
Although we can't be together now.

Remember I am here for you.
And I know you're there for me.
Whenever I want to be with you
I just close my eyes and pretend you're near I see you,
I touch you, I feel you,
like real Nothing can ever change what I feel inside.

How long must I be far away from you?
I don't know dear, but I know we are One....

Tinggal kenangan...

I rather be single than be in a loveless marriage.

2010-01-26T08:58:00.010+08:00

Marriage should be for love, because it’s instituted by God, and not by any civil contract. One can lie and sign any papers, but one cannot possibly cheat God or hope that God would bless what is an abuse of the sacrament He instituted.

What about arrange marriage? Arrange marriage is okay as long as both parties are interested and willing to build a loving and caring relationship, regardless how the couple got introduced to each other.

When one partner accepts the "Arrange Marriage" just because of parental pressure or peer pressure and without any Heart to build a relationship with the partner, then the Marriage is doom from the start.

To choose to be in a Loveless Marriage where there is no potential for the Marriage to blossom into a meaningful relationship is beyond me. It is like punishing myself for my entire lifetime. I really cannot imagine being in that situation as I am so happy with my life now, with all its freedom, perks and benefits of Singledom.

How could I ever imprison myself into a miserable situation? From what I have gathered it it is sooo obvious that the path will lead to Misery. Furthermore, a loveless marriage is unfair to the one that is in love.

I am not stating the fact that I will never get married, point blank. If I meet someone who loves me and wants to be with me for the simple fact of being with me forever then I would happily be married to that person. Yaey!!! I leave it to FATE , God works in Mysterious ways and God has timed our destiny perfectly ..

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. "

AMEN

Market outlook?

2010-01-22T07:33:00.003+08:00

Mmm some say Market is gonna fall big time ... Because of Us economy crisis in four months time .. Wow didn' know that it can be predicted so accurately .. must be a financial analyst whiz who has made millions out of the stock markets rise and fall.. Else how to believe..even warren buffet can't make that accurate prediction..

So what should we do.? keep money where it's safe?where is that? For how long ? When will the Market bottom out? How do we know? Follow the herd mentality? That is a trap .. we call those investers as speculators... I never believe such things coz I have my own goals .. I dun think a four month downturn will affect my long term goals... What's four months compared to twenty years? The best thing is to keep saving and Investing routinely till I reach my goals...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhones

Waiting again in the car...

2010-01-22T07:23:00.002+08:00

Misplaced office keys ... :( checked in my bag but it's not there ...

My mind is in a mess thinking about nonsense.

Where to go , what to do ,

why do it? ...

Haa thinking of the other species that comes from mars... They are so weird .. Alien beings can't never understand them....

Thought it would be simpler hahaha now it's totally complicated... How did I ever end up at this Point? Well my Mind say there is no use to think on that better use my Brain energy to think of other useful stuff.. Need to refocus and concentrate on what I had plan to do ...

Staying on this road is hard.. Am one person who change directions when am feeling a bit bored with how things are.. in life there is only two choices, to accept it or change it... guess for now I really need to refocus on my goals and try to stick to it till completion..so whatever whatever I need to accept things as it is and continue on this road till I reach my destination for now...

Mmmm hard to do harder to keep doing it ..day by day.. need some peace and calm ... I have to find some joy and fun in doing what am doing now.. and humble myself to accept the challenges thrown my way... Happiness is the joy in the journey not the destination... :)

- Posted usingi BlogPress from my iPhone

Last day of year 2009.

2009-12-31T08:26:00.005+08:00

Today is the last day of 2009... whew! .. so stock count? what did I achieve for this year? urmm... lotsa .. got my debts under control .. and added some more ... necessary ones.... (huhuhu my life insurance just got credited into one of my credit cards.. period to recover 12 months! ) Another solution .. to make more money next year... Hopefully the need will make me one kick ass Sales Agent.. Hopefully? .. still in my dreaming mode about that since I made my nest at my parents' home... Christmas came and now gone.. .. Damage ? Minimized as much I can .. still reeling from it. Period of recovery .. maybe 2 months? all through the year , job opportunities abound some very juicy but not in remote state of Sabah..... sucks... really need to reconsider this... mmm.. but still in a little corner of my tiny heart there is a voice whispering that I need to stay put here for a little while longer ... barely can hear the whispering though its growing fainter since last.. (making me financially tight! again solution get more money yeah like picking up money seedlings abound just laying around for me to pick up) All in all I learnt to do with less.. I learnt to prioritize on what I really need rather than what I really want .. Huge difference! Damn painful lesson that! year 2009.. what a weird year for me :-) .. My new year resolution? Easy peasy ... start picking up the money seedlings in abundance and start planting into my really nicely laid-out garden .. My garden is full of ornamental plants and flowers now .. the money seedlings I planted are growing too slow for my liking.. must be coz I didn't add enough fertilizers? .... How many years to my Real Financial Freedom? mmmm still a shopaholic... more to a foodaholic now... So here goes my New Year Resolution; 1.Make and Get and Receive and Save more money 2.Exercise more 3.Energize my life Only Three Resolutions , hehehe Simple :-)

Waiting

2009-12-19T08:33:00.000+08:00

Am at the coffee shop waiting for my office to be open... Contemplating whether to apply for this job or not... Thinking whether life can be so easy so happy... Dreamt of working in Europe ... Should I give it a try?Am feeling the pain of not being able to shop ... Am tired of relaxing... Didn't know that exist till now .. Haha tired of relaxing how is that possible? Anyway got my dream iPhone and now blogging from my iPhone... Didn't get my i10 but got a viva... Life is easier without having to take the bus to the office... That part really suck.. And having this lovely phone is keeping me happy for the meantime .... Emmm sad that am unable to shop and gifts to my nephews and nieces and sisters and brother and parents... M a pariah now ... No money no credibility ... Noclout nobody bothers on what I have to say ... Mmm guys! My brain is stil the same.. Am stil the same only that .. Have not much money now.... Sucks that no money no talk.... - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Life at Kampung after one year

2009-03-13T17:56:00.003+08:00

I have succeeded on staying in my kampung for more than a year now..woo hoo!Finally got a job and.. thinks me that am falling in love with my new job too.... wew that is a plus sign.. I did panic a bit went to KL to look for a job last decemeber and I got it.. it was such a hard decision to make .. being able to shop like nobody's business or being able to relax like nobody's business?? well I guess the latter option won in the end... hehehehe I can relax all the time now ... quiet nice town... early evenings.. fresh air.. I like it best when its just after rain fall.. cool and fresh and cool and fresh .. :-) love the ambience of the kampung scenery.. laughter... birds.. but still hate the mosquitos.. Exactly after one year after my last office job. My last working day in KL was on 14 January 2008, I started work on 19th January 2009... completely finish all my savings.. and now ermmm burden with my credit card bilssssss... Hard to stop my shopping :-( I have so many stuff that I need to buy :-( How am i going to do that? I need to go out and drink with ma friends to forget this problem...

Understanding Myself More.....

2008-10-22T20:38:00.002+08:00

I just heard the most ridiculous thing in the world... People can tell lies to you lies and Thou Shalt Not Query Them.. and another.. If people you know don't want to be your customers they are your enemies??? HUH??? who ever heard of such rules? No wonder my growing up years were so troubled. I did not know the basic right and wrong of things in life.. Aiya... I should have been more evil and mingled around more so that I get the first hand lesson and did not have t wait all these years to understand myself more... Well girl!!! oo Woman now .. hehehehehe I do understand myself more nowadays , and enjoying every bit of life as it comes ;-).. Never mind that I am considered coocoo by my family...LOL...

Scary that "World stocks in freefall as confidence drowns in 'bloodbath' "

2008-10-10T23:02:00.008+08:00

"World stocks in freefall as confidence drowns in 'bloodbath'" this is the title on the NST online front page, 2008/10/10... http://www.nst.com.my/Current_News/NST/Friday/Frontpage/20081010201035/Article/index_html but being the Optimist that I am ... anyone ever considered the Benefits to a Recession or Down Market? I have done some very basic research and found that during recession #1 and #2 happen 1. Undervalued stocks and bonds. 2. Falling house prices. I have been through one terrible recession in my early working life... 1997-1998 recession..I started working on 1st June 1996. I was employed at a very stable organisation. Thank God for that!! As most of my ex-college mates started work with the most computer savviest companies in the market and in the really exciting IT work , web designing, client-server application development..whilst I was in the mainframe system, which was considered those days as "Dinosaur era system"... I was actually looking for another job in web designing, but some really know-it-all person told me not to move as recession is coming.. wow they had the crystal ball I thought then, luckily I stayed with my current company then. First few stories that I heard during those days were that lot of people were already declared bancrupt ( mostly remisiers), lots of people lost business, employments lost, et ce tra. Most of them who lost their jobs, can't find jobs at any other place, some even got paid only half of their normal salaries. But I Thank God again that the only suffering I experienced was that I did not get my promotion that was promised to me that year 1998 , neither was I promoted the preceding year 1999. oww , .. small injury that.. compared to others ...... only now I realised how fortunate I was. But but but the next stories that I heard were really really fantabulous!!! A lot of financially savvy smart Alecs got "durian runtuh " during those two years! wow how di dat happen? Of course simple as 1,and 2,.. buy undervalued stocks and bonds, buy undervalued assets like houses .. So now about 10 years down the road , with me being a bit more wiser and peacefully in my early semi-retirement life as the progression of my dream life ;) , Another recession is happening .. Great!!! As the financial analyst have predicted another 10 year cycle!!! so this time armed with my newly acquired simple economic knowledge ... start doing investment gradually start with buying gold... that one is a classic :), invest in Trust funds, or n bahasa "Amanah Saham" I am not a true believer of Teories that I have yet to see with my own eyes proven and experience it myself... but found that the teories are proven and there is always opportunity to be found in any circumstances... so don't get too emotionally affected by this 10 year recession cycle phenomenon , just practice good money habits "Spend less than you earn" put away some of what you earn for the future consistently..and Take a Long Term View... As taken from http://www.consumerismcommentary.com/2008/03/17/8-benefits-to-a-recession-or-down-market/ sited on 10/10/2008. Undervalued stocks and bonds. Go for it. Yes, in general it’s bad to time the market. Yes, it’s possible stocks in general will go down more this year. But I believe that dips like the one we’re experience are perfect opportunities for long-term investors to pick some good values company by company or buy the overall market through a low-cost index fund. Falling house prices. Well, at the moment, there are more people trying to sell homes then there are buyers. This inequity between supply and demand means that in order to sell houses, prices must fall. But as there are fewer people looking to purchase than there are looking to sell, this benefits fewer people than increasing house prices. Buy gold!!!! this one is a classic.. :-)

Money Crisis: Americans React

2008-10-03T17:31:00.003+08:00

The Economic downturn and People's reaction to it... For the Americans' some are nervous others who have good money habits say they can ride it. How about us Malaysians? How are we affected even though we are living so far away in Malaysia? Most are ignorant , but our economy is very much tied to US .. The only safe thing we can do, always have good spending habits consistently. Money Crisis: Americans React Wednesday, October 1, 2008 provided by Real people across the country answer the question: what are you doing with your money in the wake of the financial crisis? Underwater 401(k) Lawrence Ferreira, 56, attorney, Lynbrook, N.Y. More from CNNMoney.com: • Your Money: Keeping It Safe • Credit: Know Your Limits • Money Magazine Real Estate Survival Guide I'm doing nothing besides cry. If my 401(k) were any more underwater, I'd be drowning. But I haven't moved anything. Can't Even Look Olga Fuentes, 33, attorney, New York, N.Y. My husband and I had money in a couple of different savings accounts, and we moved it around and put some in a CD to make sure it would all be insured. But I can't bring myself to look at my 401(k). What Crisis? Mary Park, 31, public relations specialist, New York, N.Y. I don't work in finance and I am not heavily invested in financial companies, so I haven't noticed any kind of downturn. I still have a job. And the government is going to bail everyone out anyway. I just bought my first [Hermes] Birkin bag! Don't tell my mother. Stuck in a Hole Susan Namdarian, 42, salesperson, New York, N.Y. I am very worried. I cut back on cable. I don't know what else to cut back on. I am in retail and work on commission, and it is slow. This isn't a good time to look for another job. So for me personally, it has been a nightmare. All of a sudden I feel like I'm in a hole. Faith in Uncle Sam Noel Rush, 57, businessman, Louisville, Ky. I haven't done anything different [with my portfolio]. I am in the railroad industry, and railroad securities have been doing very well for the past few years. I realize that I am fortunate. I share the concern with the rest of our country, but I have a certain degree of confidence - and hopefully not naivete - that our government will reform our financial system to protect all of us in the future. Not Changing a Thing Malcolm Thaler, 57, physician, Villanova, Pa. Maybe my wife and I are being naive, but why bother to change things? We'll be fine. It's only money. Freaking Out, Sitting Tight Jane Fauquier, 56, retired teacher, New Orleans, La. We're freaking out! But we're still sitting tight. My husband and I have got a good amount in cash and we were going to reinvest some of it, but we're reconsidering that now. Too Afraid to Look Lisa Griffin, 49, physical therapist, Philadelphia, Pa. I'm too afraid to look at what's going on. I'm hoping things just blow over. Because of all of this, I'm going to make my car run for two more years instead of buying a new one. Lived With Our Means John Malloy, 62, Centralia, Mo. I am not worried. I haven't even looked at my accounts. I retired in December. I planned [carefully] in my 20s, 30s, 40, and 50s, and now I don't have anything to worry about. My wife and I didn't spend more than we earned. We're traveling now, doing the things that we wanted to do when we retired. More Worried About Finding a Job Matthew Meis, 39, Ridgewood, N.Y. I'm not too worried about my portfolio; I haven't made any changes. I am worried about the value of my house falling and about finding a job. I am looking for a sales position, but finding a decent job in this market is pretty difficult. Riding It Out Jay Foote, 30, vice president at a credit union, Oklahoma City, Okla. It's a bad time to pull our investments [out of the market], so my wife and I may re-look into what we've invested in a little while from now and then reconsider some of those investments. We're paying more attention to the market now that these things have happened. I work for a credit union and she works for a museum, so our jobs are safe. We'll just ride it out. More from Yahoo! Finance: • What FDIC, SIPC, NAIC and More Really Do • 5 Areas Where the Bailout Will Hit Home for Consumers • How to Treat a 'Money Disorder' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Visit the Banking & Budgeting Center No need to Panic Steve Atkins, 51 (with wife Susan), businessman, Seattle, Wash. Everybody hunkers down a bit more because of times like these, but there's no need to panic. We just don't want to make it worse by pulling all of our money out of the markets. Living Overseas Reggie Redetzke, 34, airline pilot, Dubai, United Arab Emirates I'm a pilot, and once Northwest Airlines folded, we just couldn't make enough money to live, so my wife and I moved to Dubai. So I pulled all of my money out several years ago from the U.S. markets, and that means I'm okay. I've got a lot of money invested in the euro, so I'll continue to watch that closely. That's where I expect to see growth come from." Too Young to Worry Katie Griffin, 26, unemployed, New York, N.Y. I'm not going to look and see what's happened to my Roth IRA...I'm too young to see it drop and start panicking. I've got the rest of my life to make money. From CNN news...

Improve My English Anyone?

2008-03-04T23:18:00.000+08:00

My poor english pronounciation is being criticised by everyone here in KK .. It was never a problem before. In fact in KL my English was commented as being too perfect and I have had been advised to tone it down a lot. Blimy? Mind Your Language.... Mr Brown... Ayaiyaiayiaiaya .. even the Belgian Girl that I work with has horrendous english ... Actually I have wriiten a nice story but due to stupidity it is gone to cyber space.. so this is my story for today ...

Am Home...Sweet? Spicy?

2008-02-20T14:36:00.001+08:00

Hello Everybodeee... , yeah am home .. at long last. Home sweet spicy home... Been a month already here, money has run out...after buying stuff that I need to make my room very homey and very comfortable, ;air conditioning , for my tiny room which is really small and it is freezing when I turn on the air-cond..(I Like It) water heater for my small tiny bathroom.. Its nice and comfy all around ... hehe But ermmm now feeling the real deal. Paid all my credit cards, and some still outstanding.. Thinking of where to get the $$$ to pay my outstanding credit card bills... So was going around Wisma with My Mum one day and, this lady came up to me and ask me to join her .. so there I am, doing marketing sale job, but just as soon I make a sale, I use it all up... kais pagi makan pagi, .. This is Life now... anywhere.. That day bought so many nice things for my bath routine ;-)... but I love my bath time, the sweet smelling soap, I just cannot live without, there is a really good explaination, My skin is alergic to the normal soap , what to do ohh... so I still have to use only plant base soap for my skin. Now dreaming up big sum of money coming to me.. Hear that Universe??? send me money .. I really need it worrr...

Pamper me O Pamper me ,My Secret Indulgence..

2008-01-06T21:33:00.000+08:00

What will I do without my waxing? Without my body scrubs? Without my massage?Without my first class facial treatment? OMIGOSH! I will look like an Ogre!!! I have to indulge for the last time, I have to pamper myself....sooo Last friday went for massage.. it was heaven, 2 hours of heaven,.. saturday sleeep till the afternoon and watch my fav shows on astro. Then today sunday, went for facial, and I was in heaven again, next stop did my manicure , pedicure... O since I was in the mood for indulgence , I took the foot care package, did you know that there is scrub and mask especially for your nails?...and my toes look oooh sooo pretty.. It is such heaven to be able to indulge once a while.....Anyway, for the massage and facial , I have to find a good place for it in hometown..and for my body scrubs, and sugaring, I have to DIY.. and know what .. the net has so many recipes that I can try , am feeling happy already .. hehhehehe

Some recipes to share.

HAIR REMOVER - BODY SUGARING Juice of 1/2 a lemon 1 cup sugar 1/4 cup honey cornstarchclean cloth cotton stripswooden stick or spreader

Dust the area to be waxed, with cornstarch. Combine the first three ingredients in a clean glass bowl, and microwave for two minutes. Stop and stir your sugar mixture every 20-30 seconds. Let it cool to a comfortable warmth, and, using a wooden stick, spread a very thin layer onto your clean skin. Immediately cover the mixture with a strip of cotton fabric. Briskly stroke the strip several times in the direction of the hair growth, and then, pull the skin taut, and quickly rip away the cotton strip, against the direction of hair growth. As you proceed, you may need to reheat your sugar mixture in the microwave to keep it warm. Do not boil it or overheat as you could easily burn your skin.

Body Scrub Ingredients: 1/2 cup of salt preferably sea salt 1/2 cup of cold pressed vegetable oil. You can use any light oil though we recommend almond or apricot oil. Optional 15 drops of essential oil. Use your favorite essential oil. Lavender essential oil is one of the most common and classical essential oils but you can use any aroma you want.

Rabbit say to itself, `Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!'

2007-12-26T20:31:00.000+08:00

`Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!'

That was my mantra to meself until I chance upon my collections of Poems. One of it ...Slow Dance. Tis is one of my favourites.. sort of a reminder for me...

Slow Dance

David L. Weatherford

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round

Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight

Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down

Don't dance so fast

Time is short

The music won't last

Do you run through each day on the fly

When you ask "How are you?" do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores running through your head?

You'd better slow down

Don't dance so fast

Time is short

The music won't last

Ever told your child,We'll do it tomorrow

And in your haste, not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch, Let a good friendship die

'Cause you never had time to call and say "Hi"?

You'd better slow down

Don't dance so fast

Time is short

The music won't last

When you run so fast to get somewhere

You miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,

It is like an unopened gift....Thrown away...

Life is not a race. Do take it slower

Hear the music, Before the song is over.

It is sad that I've forgotten about this poem, I used to love it so much, it was a reminder to me to slow down, coz I always want to hurry hurry hurry, I wanted to grow up so fast, want to be 30, flirty and successful. Ermm end up 30 +++, lonely, old and wrinkled now...

Can't imagine how the years have rushed by so fast, too fast for me to even remember what had happened those bygone years ....slow down... Once oh so young , and naive, wishing to be there... to conquer the world with all the spoils in it. Success! How elusive it can be.... in the pursuit of success, all other things seems trivial in nature, whence the real measure of success is actually being content and grateful and enjoy the blessings that we have in abundance around us.

Learn to love more , learn to appreciate more...

Soon out of the corporate world

2007-12-25T21:15:00.000+08:00

.. Change is inevitable, life must go on, and the next step is, ywar.. My next step is to take a leap of faith and leave the corporate world, well for the moment anyway, dunno till when though, always have to try what we secretly wish for , ... Gonna go a trekking the jungle out there to my homeland, home sweet home, home where the heart is. Somehow I do feel deadly scared to venture out there without the sense of financial security backing me up ( ... getting my monthly moolah of course. ) ermmm.. hope I won't starve..'coz because I cannot shop as I like, buy whatever I like. Ermm , actually to shop within a budget is deathly difficult.,.. But as John Wayne said, and I quote ;

"Courage is being scared to death--and saddling up anyway"

So my count down to this wondrous new world is erm 21 days to go... yaiihhh! but then again to sacrifice my 9 to 5 daily-routine-stressful-tough-boring job and to gain familiar ground, familiar voices, familiar sounds... ermmm right now feel like calling the cab and head to KLIA ,and take the plane home....

Two days to Christmas

2007-12-23T11:48:00.000+08:00

Today sitting at home facing my laptop , watching this Thai movie, sure they are having fun at home town .. Going to gym later on, do the belly dance, hope it makes me feel brighter and sunnier and more Chrismassy.

Drat The Service ..

2007-12-11T22:21:00.000+08:00

Lunch today .. awful.. Just trying to get some decent meal for once, to escape the confines of the grey walls of the office. Seven of us seated, two of us got there first so naturally we ordered for the others hoping , the food will be on time . Feel so nice to be outa the office..chit-chat happily , ermm the food stil has not come.. tummy is hungwy already... We waited for half an hour , service was already bad and so slow.. but sokay since can chit-chat. and we keep reminding that there is one more order not sent to our table.. But then one of our friend did not get her order after all of us have finished our meal, we tried our best to attract the waiter/waitresses attention .. waving and calling hello, they really saw us but nobody came to our table argh!! and even avoided us, they were prwtty much trying to avoid many of the other customers.. I was trying my best to keep cool.. Aiya cannot stand it anymore!! 1 hour and 45 minutes still the food hasn't come.. Bloody hell! went to the counter and ask the staff about our order if its late we want to cancel as lunch time is over.. But they say the food is coming.. urmm don't see anything there on the counter , I asked again and nobody answered me.. aiyaks!! really got angry and told them off! Kerja so lembap!!! erm Manage to get discounts on our total food , but that really spoiled my day.. To keep cool in this hot and humid Malaysia wheather is really hard .. well never gonna be eating there ever again ...