Practising Gratitude In My Life

I am tired of praying for strength, I just want to pray for a Grateful Heart.

I thought I have been
having a grateful heart all this time. So I have challenged myself to live every
moments of
my life in Gratitude. It has been 6 days now and I can tell you how difficult that is. To be only grateful with no other thoughts on my mind but gratefulness.

I am still struggling to be grateful every minute of my days. Made me realise how ungrateful I am in life. Even I sometimes have a headache being grateful but I hope it will become easier to me. We do not actually realise how we forget to live in gratefulness for what we have in life. It is happiness and contentment and harmony and peaceful living.

I am grateful for my amazing life having experience all the wonderful moments that is just Joyful Happiness, Its like eating chocolates, its like drinking wine. Maybe that is Heaven?

Thank You Thank You Thank You

Love gone soo wrong...

The man says he loves you, the
man says he will take care of your every need but the moment ..... his wife calls he will rush off
leaving you on your own and you will be on your own to tend your wounded heart.

Is that all that you are worth? Some man's play thing? The available one
who will attend to his beck and call when he wants your attention? Do you feel proud that he seeks your attention when he is bored at home?

Is that how you view yourself? Is that how you value yourself? It all depends on how much we value ourselves. I don't think anyone can be happy in that type of relationship for long. But maybe that is how you see it.Short term, a fling. No harm done. But remember by having flings , you are flinging around your heart and soul never finding peace never finding that harmony never finding that Blissful Happiness

I believe that deep down each one of us dreams of harmony, peace and blissful happiness. Joy in living, to get what we really worked for, strive for, that is our own.

Better to love ourselves more and lead a happy life . Do not hurt ourselves by trying to grab what others have worked hard to own and to keep and to treasure. Hope this rings a bell to someone out there.

For those Men who cannot be content with one; I dunno how you can ever be happy as you live a very destructive life-style, Self-inflicted wounds, disrupting harmony all around. I cannot imagine that type of lifestyle can ever make and create a Happy Life.

Devil In a Sunday Hat

Yikes!!! What do you call this? Suddenly out of nowhere this barely known person who is a friend of a friend wants to help me to lessen my financial burden... too good to be true? you can tell me that again....

Trying to be practical here, and keeping my mind calm and steady to think things true and through and thorough... Very tempting offer I can use all the help I can get actually buttttt am not particularly comfortable on this idea. "Devil in a Sunday Hat?" - trublood.

All my mind can think of is RUN RUN RUN , a little part says TAKE IT AND RUN FOR YOUR LIFE....

😜 so am going to sift on my thoughts and probably should get closer to God and pray for guidience. Can't even spell that right.. arghhhh oh its GUIDANCE .. ermmm shows how
long I did not use that word.

So am gonna meditate on this and bring myself closer to God's Will and let me forget and kick out that small tiny voice telling me to take it and run....


Oh almost complete on another Dreamcatcher... it helps me to focus and be steady.

The whole day today was googling and found some people are EMPATH and CLEIRSERTIENT and the description does sound like me. An 'AHA' moment ...Does explained my weird behaviour too. Just need stronger Physic Shielding to keep myself always alm and steady and avoid wonking my emotional state....... Okay the correct spelling is CLAIRSENTIENT... that's not even an accepted spelling here.

Wanna read more on this and will write about this on the next entry ..IF ... oh well nyte-nyte to all .

Revisiting my Innermost Thoughts in my dreams .Need to clear the negative junk and replace with positive ones..Amen

Making Dreamcatchers.

I love to see dreamcatchers Am just so attracted to them, guess the interests started a long long time ago. When I learnt to read and I will read all the books in the local library. Until I will br asking the librarians if they had any new books? Lol , I did read all the story books in that tiny town's library. And I read on the Red Indian's dreamcatcher. There was a painting of it. But well my time there was no computer even.

I was always looking for a dreamcatcher. I did come across one or two in KL and also in KK but it didn't attract me that much. I didn't even find it in US when I was there.

So when I saw a relative of mine making dreamcatchers I got excited , contacted her then search n youtube on how to make it.


I bought from her and also
made a few more for myself. Still wanna make some more, just waiting for my materials to arrive.

Embracing My Naturally Curly Hair

My Hair.. My curly curly hair ..

I was not born with curly hair just thick coarse hair. My hair started to get coarser and curlier as I grew up.

When I hit 13 my hair became a massive afro which was so unmanageable, I wanted to cry every morning that I woke up. It was dried out, frizzzy and just so big!



      I was into sports you see, and we practised under the hot hot sun daily.
My hair became a big frizzy mess. I did not know how to use any good hair product yet during those days, anyway my family was too poor to buy any good hair products.  But I did love sports and I was not so much worried on the sun damage hair effect or my burnt skin. I turned dark dark brown and my hair was frizzy frizzy. I looked as brown and frizzy haired as a timorese during those times.  Even a timorese "OM" thought me one of their own.   (~__~)v

I did not hate my curly hair that much then. It was only until my hairstylist aunty started to taunt me on my afro frizzy hair and my dark brown burnt skin. Calling me "anak OM" .  But I still love sports so much and continued my sports activities.  My siblings joined in the taunting and all the relatives joined the chorus on my ugly afro frizzy hair. And I broke , I couldn't take all the bullying anymore and I started to hate my hair, I started to hate sports, started to hate the sun.  I lost my self-confidence, my self-esteem drop down and dived underground with the earth worms.  I hated my afro frizzy hair so much , I did not ever really look closely at it and to know it and the worst is I never appreciated it ever...

I grew up with everyone telling me I had the worst hair ever and the ugliest hair. I cried and cried alone because I was the only one in my family with this ugly frizzy hair, I did not know what to do with it . I just hated it and that eroded my self-esteem. Everytime I went to my aunty's saloon she will be telling me that I have the ugliest hair ever.... how I hated going to the saloon to get a hair cut and in those times I only know of my aunty's saloon. and everytime am in my aunty's saloon they will blow dry my hair and make it soooo frizzy and afro like and everyone will laugh at my hair and I just feel like crying bcoz of my ugly ugly hair. I hated myself then I hated my hair.

 

I will get this type of Afro Kinky Curls after blow drying...

 

I started to get my hair straighten everytime when I started working. Whenever am in the saloon the stylist will always tell me that my hair is super dry and needs treatment. Dang.... will I ever be out pof this misery?. I will let them but my straighten hair always looked so dried up.

There were few nice good stylist who suggested to me to let my curly hair grow naturally because they say my curls are gorgeous , I did not believe them but  I did let it be natural. But when I saw the curly hair me looking back from the Mirror all my hatred and anger and sadness and humiliation from my secondary days will come back to haunt me and fast as flash  I will straighten my hair again. Until.....

I just be damn what people think of me and how my hair is and I'd given up on straightening my hair fighting with it and started to let it grow curly naturally. Trying to love it and showering it with hot oils and conditioners and moisturisers and hair treatment masks. And guess what ....while my hair was growing I will actually inspect the curly hair to check where the ugliness is. I keep on asking myself what is so ugly about my curly hair? Surprisingly, all I see are the beautiful curls and I just love to see those curls...


Guess this is the best thing that happened to me this year, that is getting to know my curly hair and falling in love with my curly curly hair. But the saddest part is that I never realised how gorgeous my curls are until now.  I was so deeply entrenched in the "Hate My Hair" part and remembering bullying of the adults surrounding me when I was in my teens. I learned to Let go and accept as things are. What I realised, is that  I should have been stronger and stood up and accepted my gorgeous curly hair, be confident of myself and my gifts; my curly curly hair my somewhat tough body structure. Accepting me as I am.


Love yourself and accept whatever you have , be grateful and appreciate life's beautiful gifts.  Each one of us are given our own unique gifts in this life.  Learn to appreciate them, and teach your children, nieces, nephews and others to appreciate each uniqueness that everyone of us are gifted with. 

These pics are of beautiful gorgeous naturally curly hair.